I Am Not Well.

I feel sick to my stomach
I feel like something is very very wrong..
I don't think I am happy. I thought I was, but I think that I was wrong. Or else I wouldn't be acting like I have been and doing what I have been doing.
All I want to do is go away... Be alone, im pretty sure that the only reason jason is still with me is cause we live together.
If we were just "seeing" eachother, he'd be bored and not be returning my phone calls. If I ever called him.
I'm that bad. all I do is day dream. all day long; all night,

***it's is day and night, "Adam this and Adam that" and now even Adam is boring me. it's bad when an imaginary person becomes boring. my story has become boring, and i don't want to think about it anymore. and my relationship has become boring because I was comparing and then expecting Adam instead of Jason. I had never done it for real until just recently. Thought of someone besides Jason. Does this mean i don't love him anymore? I don't fee like I don't love him, but that spark has been dull for some time now.
***
I thought that because i am not doing anything "creative" that was why I am so lame. It helps to do creative things, while I'm doing them, but then, off I go, back to being 'not on this planet.'

I'm here again, where nothing is exciting. nothing is flavorful. nothing makes me happy.
not really.
but I couldn't tell you what is bothering me.
except myself. That i am so lame. I have done horrible things and ruined myself. now I don't like me or anything else.
I mean, I like who i am, except the unhappy confused part of me.